I went to the gym twice yesterday. Doubled up. Run in the morning, bike in the evening. I'm feeling lots of different things today. My impending surgery has me all excited, but in the midst of that excitement there's also a lot of anxiety.
But not about the normal things that one feels anxious about when on the eve of invasive surgery. I think general anesthesia is fun, so no worries there. I've been known to fall asleep while getting tattooed - the pain is something that I have no doubt I can handle. And as this is technically an *elective* procedure, I'm actually really, really excited for the results.
No, no, it's none of these things that are bothering me. I'm anxious that over the next few weeks of recovery, I will lose most everything that I have worked so hard over the past few months to accomplish. I'm nervous that the 35lbs that I have worked so hard to lose will miraculously find their way back to my gut. I'm nervous that despite my brand new and improved (and pain free) rack, I'm going to have lost all of the endurance that I've worked so hard to build and I won't be able to run. I'm nervous that I'll lose my drive. My desire to do this. I'm scared that the next 5 weeks are going to be super long and I won't know where to begin when I am able to fully resume my training.
...
You know what? I just thought about Reid kicking cancer in the face and it made me remember that this isn't so bad. If Reid can bring cancer to its knees begging for its mama, then I can totally get back on a bike in 4 weeks.
This is what I do.
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